


growing up

by orphan_account



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: Child Abuse, Gen, Period-Typical Transphobia, Trans Kristoff, Trans Male Character, okay it’s sad right now but it’s gonna get better in later chapters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:21:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21619045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Being transgender in the 1800s isn’t easy for Kristoff, and neither is learning to love himself.
Kudos: 20





	growing up

**Author's Note:**

> before you read i just need to say major transphobia warning!! if that’s a trigger for you then please don’t read
> 
> other than that this is literally just me projecting aha (i’m going to add more chapters and there will be a happy ending though!! promise)

Kristoff never liked his orphange. For one, he hated how they made him stay inside all the time. It was so boring, just having to sit there, doing nothing. He wasn't made for that; he was the type of kid that wanted to go outside, run around, play in the dirt, and talk to the animals. Oh, and wasn't exactly like the people were the nicest in the world either. Their idea of taking care of kids was just making sure they didn't die from starvation, sleep deprivation, or hyperthermia, so if he was alive, they'd done their job.

None of that bothered him as much as this, though: they insisted on treating him like a girl. They would call him "little girl" and tell him he was going to be a “young lady” soon. It never sat right with him, even though he knew it probably should have, and no matter how much he tried and tried to get them to stop, they never would. They told him he was unladylike when he wanted to wear pants instead of a dress, or when he played rough with the boys in the orphanage instead of playing house with the girls.

At first, they thought it was a phase, and they told him over and over about how embarrassed he was going to be when he grew out of it, about how disappointed he was going to be in himself. After about two years it began to become, well, not a worry to them, but more of an annoyance. They forced him into the dresses, didn't let him near the boys, and sometimes they wouldn't feed him if he didn't do what he was told. He hated it. God, how he hated it. He knew he wasn't a girl, and he couldn't stand them thinking he was. They were wrong, and so, on a day where he just couldn't take it anymore, he decided he would finally tell them.

"I'm not a girl, you know! I'm a boy!" He had told the woman, Agnetha was her name, he remembers, that got him dressed every morning. There was anger in his voice, but there was also a hint of something more desperate, although he couldn't quite put his finger on it.

She had given him a look of surprise, then confusion, then settled on saying, "Nonsence. Don't say such things." For the time being, that had been that and nothing more.

Kristoff didn't say another word about it, and neither did anyone else, until the day he looked he looked in the mirror and decided that having hair half-way down his back was too girly for him. It made him feel weird, made him feel bad in a way he didn't understand, so he thought he should cut it off. Why keep something you don't like when you could easily get rid of it? That night, he stole the scissors from the kitchen and chopped it all off. It was uneven and messy, but he looked at it in the mirror and smiled.

Agnetha didn't like it as much as he did. When she came to wake up all the girls in the morning, she saw him, gasped, and wasted no time getting him out of bed and, in Kristoff's opinion, being very overdramatic about the whole thing. It was just hair, and it wasn't her problem what his looked like. Despite this, for some reason, she had decided she actually cared about his appearance this morning. He didn't understand why.

"Why would you do that?" she asked.

He decided to play dumb, just because he could. "Do what?"

She pursed her lips and said, "Cut your hair."

"Because," he said, "all the girls have long hair. And I'm not a girl. I already told you that."

She didn't say another word to him. Instead, she grabbed his hand, and he never would have admitted it, but her grip was so hard it hurt. She started walking, dragging him behind her, but she wouldn't tell him where they were going no matter how much he asked. She wouldn't let go of him either, and he was getting scared. He never gets scared. The walk seemed last forever, but he knew it couldn't have been as long as he made it out to be; the orphanage wasn't that big.

Eventually, they ended up at the door to the director's office. She finally let go of his hand, gave him a very stern look, and told him to wait outside. Out of fear, he did. He wishes he wouldn't have, that he would have run away right then and there. She came out a few minutes later, the director behind her. He wasn't a very nice man, and anyone could tell just by the look of him. His eyes looked dead and cold, and he was tall enough to tower over almost everyone. He looked down on Kristoff with so much hatred that it made him want to curl up into a ball on the floor.

He gestures for Kristoff to come into his office, and he does, as quickly as he can. The director just stares at him for some time, surely just to strike more fear into Kristoff.

"Agnetha tells me that you believe you are a boy," he says. "I'm here to tell you that you are not. You're going to be a young lady soon, you know, it's improper to act as if you're a young man."

Kristoff didn’t say anything. He couldn’t.

"It's disgusting to think you're anything other than a girl. Vile, really. Whoever put that idea into your head, little girl?" He sounds so condescending. "Say it to me. Tell me you're a girl."

Again, Kristoff didn’t say anything.

"Go on, say it."

No response.

"Say it." Angrier this time.

He didn’t.

"Say it!" He's yelling now.

"I'm not a girl! I'm not! Stop saying I am! I won't say it, I won't say it, I won't!" He regrets it as soon as it comes out of his mouth. Oh God, he never should have said anything.

The director slams his palm across Kristoff's face. "Say it. Say you're a girl! Just a bitch, and you know it!"

He couldn’t speak.

This time, it's a fist, and it's harder, and it's definitely going to leave a bruise.

He's crying, rocking back a forth on the floor. "I'm a girl. I'm a girl. I'm a girl."

**Author's Note:**

> my pacing is terrible i apologize 
> 
> ok listen i know this was really sad but it gets better!! (he’s gonna meet sven in the next chapter!!) thank you for reading!! i’m always open to constructive criticism and i love getting comments <3 and i love you! :) have a nice day
> 
> (also! if you’re struggling with being trans i just want you to know that it gets better and no matter what the people around you say, you’re loved and valued and it’s perfectly okay to be trans! if you’re a woman, a man, or nonbinary, you are you and that’s okay!!!)


End file.
